Bittersweet
by OrangeBatWings
Summary: Chocolate can't always make you feel better. MxM.


I found this among my little scribbles in my notes from school, I thought it was okay. I like constructive criticism, so please review! I hope you enjoy...?

**B I T T E R S W E E T**

Matt was my only friend.

I guess Near was, too, in a way. But there was never a moment that I felt the need to pour my anger out on dearest Matt. He was obedient, dutiful, compliant… and most of all; submissive. He was my loyal pet, my dog. If anything, he would have been honored to even be sneezed on by me. It wasn't like that, though. He was the only tolerable boy in the orphanage; everyone else just smothered me with hollow compliments. He was always there when I felt like I couldn't compete with Near anymore. He always reminded me that I could, and would, be number one.

But then L died. I left the orphanage without a word to anyone.

Not even Matt.

I spent my time in the states soon after, a plan formulating inside my mind as I devoured another bar of chocolate with the mafia. I wasted my lonely nights, although no one knew, drinking. Chocolate could not quell the muddle of anguish and rage that I felt the day that news was delivered. It was only some moments where I could feel numb for an instant and forget. Usually, I'd then lay my head against the bar counter and feel the frigid marble press against my flushed face. My eyes would wander and follow those like me, who seek a way out of their miserable lives. With L's loss to Kira, I could not follow in these bloodied footsteps.

On another night at the bar, I found myself unable to drink _or _eat chocolate. I sat there, my eyes tracing the swirling patterns of maroon on the walls. It was at the same time my mind traced itself back to that dreadful day at the orphanage. My stomach dropped to ground zero and my chest contorted. And my mind processed a thought; it was agonizing, but still a thought nonetheless. What did _he _think when he found my room empty that day? Did he actually care? Or did he continue to play his video games without a single thought… Or did he possibly continue his 'experiment' with smoking? Did he… decide to tag along with Near now that I was gone? I could feel the sting reaching new heights, and I swallowed it all away with a bite or chocolate.

And there he was.

Among the small, insignificant crowd of insane drunks; I saw the gray smoke encircle a familiar tuft of auburn hair. Long, slender arms were covered in striped sleeves; the arms lead to gloved hands, and the hands lead to the thumbs which never ceased to move over plastic buttons of a handheld. The screen's light reflected off outsized goggles that hung loosely against his pale face. In his smiling lips, a cigarette.

Matt.

He had followed me again, just like the dog I knew he was.

But I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he was sitting there, possibly eyeing me through his obnoxious goggles. He was just a figment of my imagination. I could just be hallucinating from the mass scent of alcohol mixed with cigarette smoke. I didn't believe he got up from his seat. So I turned around and ordered a beer. I sighed and pressed my forehead against the cool counter. A gloved fist slammed itself against the counter and I felt my head shake unnervingly.

"He was just kidding. Just a glass of water, if you will?"

The glass was placed beside me.

"Mello, please don't do this anymore…"

I couldn't make an audible response; my dark eyes looked him over and over again. I still questioned his existence.

"Mello, please answer me… Please."

I stared. I gazed. I gawked.

"Please… _Mihael…_"

"M-Matt…"

That day was long forgotten when we soon decided to really partake in the Kira case. It seemed that Near was in on it too. My hands were now filthy with the blood of innocent people since I left the mafia. I did not care who died if it meant one step closer to killing this 'Kira'. I would have my justice, (I told myself) and so would Matt as long as he stayed by my side.

We hijacked a jet to Japan, and began to put the plan I conjured days before into play. My addiction to chocolate increased tenfold since the day Matt helped me forget drinking. He remained the same, loyal and steadfast as he was those years ago in the orphanage. He'd do anything for me, he said. He said he'd even die for me, and that's when something inside began to deteriorate.

Then came _that _day.

We sat in the hotel room in silence. My chocolate was left unwrapped, uneaten beside me. My hand reached for it, only for my mind to retract it in the most foreboding way. I knew of Near's plan, and had a plan of my own that would in help in the end of Kira's rain of unneeded 'Justice'. I knew for a fact that would not be as close to ending this case as I thought before. The turnout made my chest contort painfully and my mind bend to see another ending. I walked to the door.

"We'll go together, Mello. We'll split off and I'll make sure the police follow me." I gave him a look, and he just threw me a smile in return, "Don't worry, I'll be fine." He got up and his boots made a slight thumping sound as he walked towards me. The thumps matched almost perfectly with the sound of the beats reverberating from inside my chest, the quickened as he neared.

At the door, he lifted his goggled and revealed glimmering green eyes. Matt smiled at me again, and placed a chaste kiss on my lips.

And so we raced into the streets together. Matt drove the car and I followed in close with my motorcycle. Sirens soon trailed in after, the police cars appeared in the horizon in my rear-view mirror. Matt and I raced towards the tangerine-mauve concoction of a sky until we arrived at the checkpoint, where I dissolved in to the sea of crossing motor vehicles and Matt drove even faster down the road. The wind threw blonde strands in my face; some involuntarily brushing over my lips, where I could still taste the sweetness.

I successfully kidnapped Takeda and was already driving to the country side. A church came into view and I felt my heart make a painful lurch as I reached for my bar of chocolate.

"_The criminal was successfully apprehended and has received judgment; just as Kira would… he seemed to be part of an Anti-Kira organization…"_

"I'm sorry Matt… I got you killed…"

I took my last bite of chocolate. It was bitter as I swallowed and my heart stopped beating. It mixed in with the taste of Matt's lips.

It was… bittersweet.


End file.
